©2002 Black
Rose Collection
Revision ©2005
*--__--* Click
the symbol for more information.
This is my first Nikki fan fiction.
ENJOY!!! For more information on
Calen, click here.
For more of my fan fiction, check out my site, Jade’s
Midnight Café.
Click here for Part Two
Click here
for Part Three
Part One-“Find Myself”
As always, Nikki Sixx and Vince
Neil are real people and no offense is intended in using their likeness.
Calen McGregor, Sheri Kanapolis
and Tim Kanapolis are my original characters and should not be used without my
consent.
My Nikki…The lights go down, and I know he is on his
way. I cling to my shirt, rubbing myself
in anticipation of his arrival. He
enters, and I feel my face go flush, watching his massive form coming towards
me. His hair, dark and glistening,
encases his face as he passes me by, oblivious to my presence, but I know… he
knows I’m there in his heart. I look at
him in awe, his bulging muscles rippling through a perfectly tattooed body. My
god, he’s perfect, I think, as I watch him pound his bass, showing his
intensity and drive at every turn. Over
and out, around the stage he goes, slamming out riffs left and right,
assaulting his helpless victims in the audience. I smile, knowing that he loves every second
of it…he lives for the adulation, and eats it like candy. In the crowd I feel privileged to know the
true man, beyond the bad boy image of his alter ego. I know that he relishes in his art like a
vulture going for his prey. Using
everything in his arsenal, I observe, fascinated by this human specimen, until
the final strains of the encore comes, and he raises his hand in triumph. Out the side of the stage he comes again…past
me and slowly out of view. My orgasmic
ecstasy now fulfilled, my heart and soul knows he will soon be coming back to
me. Soon…I know I will see my Nikki again.
Unable to sleep and equally unable to keep
Nikki from creeping into her mind, Calen had stayed up late after the Motley
Crue show, later than she knew she should, just to get those last few words
onto the blank screen before she lost her train of thought. It never failed
with her, she is as close with him as she is with anyone, yet for some reason,
when she sees him perform, she turns into a teenager again, acting as if she
has a crush on the junior high quarterback.
She hated those all too familiar and painful feelings, considering he
was seeing someone, yet that never stopped her from putting her thoughts down
into her own personal journals. Not the
ones she has listed on the internet for her fans, but her private, most
intimate thoughts, ones not even Sheri have seen. As the final words were typed, she looked
over them on the screen, reading carefully, before shutting down her laptop for
the night. She didn't even bother going
to bed, it was easier to pass out on the couch and save the trouble.
********************
No
sooner had Calen pried open her eyes the next morning then she heard the phone
ring. Sheesh…she sighed to
herself as she almost fell off the couch trying to check the clock. Her body jolted straight up as she observed
it was almost a quarter of eight. Panic
set in. She was late and was sure that phone call was from Jeri wondering where
the hell she was.
“Hello?”
she said in an apologetic tone and waited for the inevitable screaming that
would soon follow.
“Hey,
what's up this morning?” came the voice on the other end, shocking her when she
realized it wasn't Jeri, but Nikki.
“Nikki?”
she asked with relief, her body flopping back down on the couch. “What's up?
I don't have long, I’m late for work.”
Nikki
paused a moment. “Uhhh, it’s
Saturday. Remember? You begged me to take you riding with me
tonight?”
Ohhhh....! “You're right.”
She replied, resting her forehead on her other hand.
“You
mean you, of all people, are still in bed?”
“No bed,
couch….and no, I got to bed late…”
“Why,
what happened?”
She
forced a quick lie, “Oh, nothing. You know me; I’m just not a night owl
anymore.”
“I
know, believe me. So, the reason I
called is that I might be late picking you up tonight. Tanya asked me to go with her to her beach
shoot today.” Nikki stopped cold, knowing how most of his friends felt about
her.
Calen
could do nothing but wince at the thought of Nikki making time with that
useless mass of DNA. Actually the
thought of anyone being with Nikki but her was completely nuts, yet no one
knew, and no one was going to know, not if she had anything to do with it.
“Uh,
why do you have to take her, doesn’t
she always get a ride from the photographer?” she shot out sarcastically, then
just as quickly, regretted it.
He
sighed. “Why did you ask that?”
“Never
mind, it’s early, I need a shower, and I’m grumpy.”
“Ok,
I’ll give you that one. I know not too
many people like her, but she really is
a good person.”
She
let out a deep breath, skating right past the remark, she simply didn’t feel
like hearing any of her praises.
“So,
what time then?” she asked.
“Probably
about 7:30. Is that ok?”
“Yeah,
its fine. Are we going to try the
strip?”
“Ummhummmm…”
he hummed in her ear. A sound that never
failed to cause goosebumps.
She
forced her body again to finally lift off the couch enough to grab her
appointment book. As she thumbed through
her busy schedule, their conversation lagged to the point of only breathing.
She never minded of course, even his breathing was sexy. It wasn’t but a moment or two before they
said their goodbyes and hung up, leaving Calen to run for the shower and the
medicine cabinet in a desperate attempt to avoid the hangover that was coming
on.
*****************************
Calen
spent the best part of the day running from one place to another. When she finally arrived back to her home,
she frantically showered and threw on her softest, oldest, rattiest blue jeans
she could find, and her cutoff KISS rhinestone tee. She debated on whether to fix her hair up
nice for Nikki, but knowing he prefers to ride without a helmet on the slower,
off-road rides, she knew right away it would be a mess, but she opted for a
simple blow dry and some hair spray. Now
all she had to do was wait for Nikki to call from his cell to let her know he
was on his way. She had been looking
forward to getting out on his cycle ever since the first bit of dry, warmer set
in. Nikki loved to just cruise around
the streets of L.A, and more than once, they stirred up talk of a possible
romance because she was always riding with him.
She didn't care a bit, but since his divorce, he was always being extra
careful of what might be said or done regarding his kids.
******************************
7:30
came and went, as did 8, 9, then 10.
Calen was trying not to get pissed off for being stood up, but she was
losing. That wasn't like Nikki to do
that. She picked up the phone and tried
his cell and just as it had done for the past two hours, no answer. She tried his house again, still no answer
there. By 11, she had gone from pissed
to worried. What if he had wrecked? What
if he’s lying in a ditch somewhere on one of those dark off-roads? She quickly went from worried to
frantic. When she phone finally rang,
she almost lept on top of it?
“Nikki?”
she screamed into the receiver.
“Whoa…calm
down, its just me.” Sheri said calmly from the other end.
“Hey,
thought you were out with
“Uh,
well, I was, but I thought I ought to call you first.”
Calen’s
heart leapt into her throat. “What is
it? Is it Nikki? Where is he?”
“Calm
down, calm down…he’s fine. You were
supposed to go riding with him tonight, right?”
“I
was, but he didn't show up,” she replied, her voice squeaking and speeding up
as she spoke, “I tried his cell and his home number, but nothing. I’m worried sick, it isn’t like Nikki to just
not show up anywhere, especially with me.
I don’t know what to do. Should I
call the police? Maybe I should call his
sister…no, then she’d be worried too.
Maybe I should….”
Sheri
interrupted, “Easy. I know where he
is.” Her voice sounded irritated.
Calen
stopped cold and asked, “Where for God’s sake?”
“He’s
riding down Sunset Strip with his little Plastic Princess plastered on the
back.”
Calen’s
eyes opened wide and she paused a moment to think about what her friend had
just told her. Frantic just went back to
pissed. “What in the blue fire hell is
he doing riding around with her? She hates riding, he told me she had a beach
shoot today anyway.”
“I
don't know. I just passed him on the street on the way home tonight.”
“There
has to be an explanation and I’ll get it if I have to take it out of her ass
inch by inch. Thanks for letting me
know.”
For
the next hour, Calen sat and stewed, and the more she sat, the more she
stewed. Around 1 o’clock in the morning,
the phone rang. She immediately saw
Nikki’s cell number pop up and let out a sly chuckle as she allowed it to
continue to ring…and ring….and ring. She
finally turned off the ringer and went to bed.
The next morning, she rolled over and sat up. Her anger had calmed while she slept, but she
was still put off that she had gotten stood up.
She pulled herself out of bed and went to the living room to check her
messages and turn on her ringer. There
were 4, all from Nikki.
BEEEEEEEP….
“Uhhh,
hey, it’s me. I hope you haven’t gone to
bed yet. Call me at home.”
BEEEEEEEP…
“Ok,
so maybe you didn't get my first message, its 2:28am, call me please.”
BEEEEEEEP….
“Fuck
this…Ok, ok, so it wasn't my fault I promise.
Please call me.”
BEEEEEEEP….
I’m
gonna go to bed. I’ll call you tomorrow,
I need to get fuckin drunk, this is shit. Night.
She
shook her head and she erased the messages and started for the shower, but it
didn't take long for her phone to ring.
She didn't even have to check her caller ID to know it was Nikki. She threw herself back on the bed and picked
it up.
“Good
morning.” She said, not even bothering to say hello.
“I
guess you knew it was me.” Nikki replied.
He sounded less than cheerful and a bit hungover.
Duhhhhh…
“I just sat and listened to your messages.”
“Sorry…”
“Sorry
for what? The messages or standing me
up?”
“Hell,
all of it I guess. Can I make it up to
you? How about another chance? Want to go riding with me tonight?”
“Make
it up to me? How about an explanation
first?”
“When
I went to pick up Tanya from the beach, I took the cycle since I was just going
to drop her back at her place. She asked
what I was going to do for the evening.
I said I was going out on the strip, and she just…invited herself. What was I supposed to do?”
“Uh,
tell her no, you have plans?”
“C’mon
Calen.” Nikki scolded.
“Sorry.”
“Anyway,
she had never had any interest in riding with me before, so I had no idea she
would now. It was just so sudden, I
couldn’t say no. I am really sorry.”
“Ok,
fine, there wasn’t any way out of it, then why….why didn’t you call me? What was wrong with your fingers, you don’t
know how to dial anymore?”
“I
swear I tried once when we stopped off to get a bite to eat and she was
distracted, but I couldn’t get a signal.”
“You
only tried once?”
“Yes,
until I was on my way home, then I realized I’d turned it off, or the battery
died, I don’t know for sure. I’m really sorry.
This was just a big mix-up. You
know I’d never stand you up on purpose.
I never have before, have I?”
Calen
just couldn’t stay mad at him, no matter what.
“Well, I guess I can understand.
I promised Sheri I would go out today with her and her niece, so come by
tonight, and maybe I’ll go, but no promises.”
“Good
enough for me.” Calen could hear him sigh as he hung up the phone.
******************************
Around
7 that evening, the warm day air slowly began to cool, but still with no signs
of Nikki. In an effort to keep her
nerves calm, she refixed her hair after being windblown earlier in the day, but
opted to stay dressed in her long t-shirt and blue jeans. When the doorbell finally rang about 7:30,
she practically tripped up the stairs trying to answer it, and had to slow down
so she wouldn’t look like she was over anxious.
As she opened up the door, painfully aware of her shaky hands, there was
Nikki, wearing a black jean jacket, with the sleeves cut off, it was also unbuttoned
halfway down. Her breath stopped cold,
and her own words rang again in her head.
My God, he’s perfect!
No
matter how much this man effected her, she refused to let it show. “You’re late.” She said, coldly, but with a
slight grin.
Nikki
smiled. “Sorry beautiful, so can I come
in anyway?” he replied, with a bit of sarcasm.
She
walked away, leaving the door open for him.
He followed her as she went downstairs and threw herself down on the
couch as if she was planning on being there the whole evening.
“Are
you ready to go?” he asked, leaning on her pool table.
“Who
says I was going?” she replied. “Do you
realize that I wasted a great riding outfit last night waiting for you? That isn’t anything I can easily forgive.”
Nikki’s
face widened with a large grin. “Oh
yeah? And what was that?”
Calen
was melting fast. “Well, if you must know, it was my old jeans…”
“The
ones with the holes in just the right places?” Nikki interrupted.
“Yes. Those and my KISS rhinestone tee.”
“Ummmm…now,
I’m really sorry I missed that. What do you want to wear tonight?”
“I
don't know, since you ruined my good outfit.
Any suggestions?” she teased.
“Perhaps my soft leather pants, and black boots? Hummm, but what shirt? Another cutoff maybe?”
Nikki
gently rubbed the hair on his chin and thought hard. “I think a tank is in order.”
“Good
choice. Maybe spaghetti straps? Be right back.” She said, walking into her
bedroom and shutting the door. She fell
face first onto her bed, and buried her face in the pillow, so he couldn’t hear
her scream. She hated it, yet loved
it, when he looked at her that way. When
she composed herself, she ran for her closet and found her leather pants and
boots and pulled out her black tank, when she remembered something she liked
better. She reached into her bottom
drawer and got out her black tank with the New Tattoo album cover. Throwing the clothes on in record time, she
checked herself out in the mirror and went back to rejoin Nikki. When he saw her, his eyebrows raised in
approval. She threw out her arms and
spun for him.
“Approve?”
she asked. The grin on his face answered
her right away.
He
cleared his throat. “So…umm, you ready
to go?”
“Yep,
let’s go.” she sang as they both headed out the door.
****************************
Calen
was already through her second cup of coffee when the phone rang. She picked it up and never got a word out to
know it was Sheri.
“Morning!”
she yelled in the phone. Calen
growled. “You’re not awake yet?” she
asked.
“Yeah,
barely, I got home late and decided to sleep in. Good lord, what time is it anyway?” Calen
said, her voice still cracking.
“It’s
nearly 10 am. You really did sleep in.”
“Oh
man, I need to shower, the party’s tonight isn’t it?”
“Yep,
sure is. So you better get a move on. We
were going shopping today, remember?”
Calen
sat straight up. “Yeah, I remember. Just give me an hour to get ready.”
“What
in the world did you and Nikki do last night?” she asked.
She
smiled, remembering. “We went riding and
ended up at the Santa Monica Pier.”
“Cool,
you have fun?”
“Yeah,
it was pretty crowded, so after we signed a few autographs, we sat down on the
benches and watched the fireworks.”
“So,
how was Nikki?”
“What
do you mean?”
“How
was it, riding with him, or do I have to ask?”
Calen
giggled. “You know I love riding with
him.”
“And?”
“And
what?”
“Did
anything happen?”
“Why
don't you just spit it out Sheri? What
do you mean by anything?”
“It
sounds romantic, so did anything happen?
You know, between the two of you?”
She
sighed. “No, of course not. Not that I didn't want it to happen, but you
know he is dating….”
“I
know, the Plastic Princess.” Sheri interrupted.
“Well,
plastic or not, he likes her and he’s dating her, so I just have to put up with
her. At least at the party tonight, I can
have Nikki to myself.”
“Sorry
sis, but nope.”
“Huh?”
“I
talked to Vince this morning, Tanya got the day off and she is going to be at
the party.”
Calen’s
heart sank. “Ugggghhhhhhh… that’s not
what I want to hear just after waking up.”
“Soooooory…guess
you get to put up with her again tonight.” Sheri teased.
“Guess
that means I have to get my anti-plastic shield outta the cleaners today huh?”
Sheri
laughed loudly. “Yeah, guess so, we’ll
pick it up on the way back this afternoon.
I’ll see ya in an hour.”
************************************************
By the
time the next half hour rolled around, Calen had already taken 3 phone calls in
a row. One from her mother, another from
a wrong number and the third from Sheri, asking if she had even gotten in the
shower yet. Another call came just as
she tried to step in the shower. She ran
out in frustration, assuming it was Sheri again and grabbed the phone.
“Damnit
Sheri! How am I supposed to shower when
you keep calling?” she yelled in the phone.
“Calen?”
the voice on the other end said. “It’s
“Ohhhh,
I’m sorry
“I
won’t keep you, I was going to remind you that Tuesday morning you need to run
by and pick up the updated script, but, I will be around that way tonight, and
if you want, I can just run it by.”
“That’s
nice of you, but I won’t be here tonight.
I’m going to a friend’s birthday party.”
“Oh,
anyone I know?”
“I
don't think so. I really don’t know him well myself, Vince Neil is throwing it
for a friend of his. I know everyone
else that’s going to be there, so I was invited.”
“Ah. Well, how about I run the script by and put
it inside your back screen door?”
“That’s
fine with me.”
“Have
fun tonight.”
“Thanks
When
Calen hung up the phone, she immediately unplugged it and ran for the shower
before Sheri could arrive and fuss at her.
************************************************
Vince’s
house was already full of partygoers when Calen and Sheri arrived. After spending a few minutes greeting and
mingling, Calen spotted Nikki coming inside from the patio, but without
Tanya. She breathed a sigh of relief,
thinking maybe she decided to stay home. When Nikki saw her, he winked and smiled
brightly, but her good mood was soon spoiled when out of the corner of her eye,
she saw Tanya walk in and put her arms around Nikki’s waist. Calen turned around to Sheri.
“Eeegads,
there she is.” She said quietly and Sheri moaned. “I’m going over there anyway, to hell with trying
to avoid her.” Calen added boldly.
Nikki’s
eyes lightened up when he saw Calen approaching. He had feared that she might stay away if she
saw he was with Tanya. “Hey you!” he
said, throwing his arms around her. She
hugged him tight, looking over his shoulder to Tanya and giving her the most
hateful look she could.
“Did
you sleep last night?” Calen asked him.
“Barely.
You?” he replied.
“Some,
but I woke up with a hang over.”
“Don't
tell me you two went out drinking last night.” Tanya rudely interrupted.
Nikki
glared at her and answered, “Of course we didn't. We just ended up eating late, actually
early. What was it, about one o’clock we
got breakfast?” he asked.
“I
think so. I don't think I got back home
till after 2 or 2:30.”
“Well,
it sounds like you both had fun.” Tanya interrupted again, sounding more
agitated and rather jealous. Calen felt
a bit of satisfaction from that.
Nikki
smiled at Calen, never looking at Tanya.
“Yeah, we did. We need to do that
again soon.”
“Yep,
anytime baby, anytime.” Calen smiled back.
The
rest of the next couple of hours, Tanya took great pains in keeping Calen and
Nikki far apart. When everyone sat down
to eat, she became upset that Nikki made a point of sitting across from Calen
and Sheri. They joked and laughed the
whole time, ignoring her completely and when she did try to get into the
conversation, everything she said came out wrong because she didn’t know what
they were talking about. Tanya had enough of Calen and her temper started to
simmer, thinking of something to do to get rid of the thorn in her side. After dinner, most everyone started outside
to hear music from a new band that Vince hired to play, so when Calen got up to
get her dessert, Tanya quickly scribbled a note and threw it in her chair.
“Nikki,
baby…” she cooed in his ear. “Do you
really feel like hearing the band?” she asked.
“I
thought so, why? You have a better
offer?” he asked.
“I
sure do. I’m sure I can find something
else to fill the time, what do you say?” she said, getting up and pulling Nikki
behind her. They quickly disappeared and
when Calen got back, she was surprised to see that Nikki had left.
“Where
did Nikki go?” she asked Sheri, poking her in the side.
Sheri
looked around, but couldn’t see them.
“No, I was taking to Julie and Brian.
I guess they went outside to hear the band.”
“I
guess so.” She signed. Oh well, I’ll
join them later.” She sat back down on her chair, but jumped back up when she
felt something in it. She picked up the
paper curiously and read:
We
need to talk about stuff. Meet me in the
downstairs room, I’m waiting. Tanya.
She
had no idea what the strange note from Tanya meant, but was sure of one
thing…her intuition told her not to trust her. But, unfortunately, her curiosity
got the best of her and before long she was venturing downstairs to find
Tanya. Still apprehensive, she changed
her mind a hundred times before she actually got to the door of the downstairs
room. She heard music playing, and
although she knocked, she was sure no one could hear her, so she slowly opened
the door and peeked inside.
The
room, for the most part, was dark with the exception of the back where there
was a small couch that sat at the end of a long wall of guitars. Next to the couch on a tall table was a lamp,
which was on and shining a soft glow over that part of the room.
Sitting
on the couch was Nikki, slightly hunched down, with his head resting on the
back cushion. He was looking slightly
downward at a woman who was squatting in front of him. Although Calen couldn’t see her face, she
knew immediately by the long, red hair that it was Tanya. It was also obvious to Calen exactly what was
going on and that she should close the door and leave. Tanya had set her
up. She’d sent that note to lure her
downstairs. Her feet felt as if they
were suddenly encased in cement.
Mesmerized, she just stood and watched Nikki’s face, eyes closed and
lips pursed tight together, as he enjoyed what was going on below him. Tanya’s lips wrapped around him, moving
slowly in and out of her mouth and his hands grabbed her hair and pushed
himself deep inside until he almost disappeared. Calen could only stand still and watch in
awe, her mind blank of all but what was going on in front of her. After a few moments of teasing, Tanya stood
up and started taking off her top as she straddled Nikki while he was still on
the couch. Calen could see Nikki’s hands
all over Tanya’s breasts and it drove her nuts almost to the point where she
just wanted to yell STOP at the top of her lungs. When she saw Nikki reaching under Tanya’s
skirt, she just couldn’t stand to watch anymore and she summoned her heavy legs
to move quietly out of the room. Once
the door was closed, she leaned against it, disappointed, and ashamed of what
she had done. She took a minute or two
to gather herself before she went back upstairs to the party. She wanted out and she wanted out fast.
Sheri
stopped her at the top of the stairs.
“Hey, what's wrong, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“Nothing. Look, can we just go?” she replied, trying to
avoid breaking down in front of everyone.
“Uh,
yeah I guess so, but you really wanna leave before saying goodbye to Nikki?”
“Yes,
besides…I think he’s…busy. So, lets just
get our stuff and go, ok?”
“Ok,
whatever you say.” Sheri said, totally confused.
Calen
stood in the doorway, her nervous leg kicking the door facing and her eyes
watching for any signs of Nikki, while Sheri said a few goodbyes. She could see her standing and talking to
Vince and pointing, but she didn't care.
When Sheri finally made it out to the car, Calen sat stone still,
staring out the window, waiting till they were way out of the driveway before
letting the tears flow.
“Now
are you gonna tell me what the hell happened?” Sheri asked.
Calen
pulled out the note and handed it to her.
Sheri couldn’t read it while she was driving and handed it back. “Read it to me.” She instructed. Calen read the note, but Sheri was still
confused.
“So,
did you meet with Tanya?”
“Yeah,
sorta.”
“And?”
“Well,
she set me up.”
“What?”
Sheri asked.
“The
bitch set me up.” She started, tears running down her face. “She set it up, so I would go down there and
find her and Nikki together. She was…she
had her lips around him…you know. Can
you believe that shit?”
“OH
shit! Did Nikki see you?”
“No, I
don't think so thank God, but still, she knew I was going to be there, and knew
I would see that. She knows how it would
affect me.”
Sheri
pulled over to the side of the road and turned to her. “Look, she did it as some sick joke, cause
you and Nikki were foolin around together at the party. Sick bitch.
But you know, now that you’ve left, she’ll know you saw them. If you had stayed, you could have pretended
like you never showed up downstairs.”
“I
never thought of it that way, but its too late now. I had to leave, I was almost in tears and I
didn't want anyone to see that.”
“We’re
not that far away sis, c’mon, let’s go back.
Let’s go back and let her see that you weren’t bothered.”
Calen
thought about it and realized Sheri was right, she couldn’t let Tanya win. She told Sheri coldly, “turn around.”
Sheri
swung the car around and like a flash, they were headed back. Within 5 minutes, they were back in the
driveway as if they’d never left. They
slipped around the back of the house to the pool area and blended in with
everyone watching the band play. Calen
kept her eyes on the back door, waiting around for Tanya and Nikki to come
outside.
“Hey,
I thought you had to leave.” Vince said, coming up behind her. “Sheri said you got a phone call and it was
an emergency.”
“Oh,
no, it’s ok.” Calen covered Sheri’s excuse.
“It thought it was important, but it wasn't, so we decided to stay a
while longer.”
“Cool.
Enjoy the rest of the party.” He said, patting her on the back. Her popped Sheri on her ass before he walked
back into the house.
After
another five minutes, Sheri poked Calen in the arm, “There they are.” She said,
pointing to the side door. Calen turned
and watched Nikki and Tanya as they came outside and began talking to Julie and
Brian. They both tried to look innocent,
but Calen knew….she knew what they’d both been up to downstairs. Tanya spotted Calen and seemed a bit surprised
to find her still there, but didn't say a word till later when they both found
themselves in the kitchen.
*************************************
“Nice
party huh?” Tanya said pleasantly. Calen
nodded, but said nothing and continued to finish her drink. When the kitchen cleared out, leaving just
the two of them, Tanya’s politeness disappeared and she began to fume.
“Enjoy
the view?” she asked nastily.
Calen
kept her eyes away from her nemesis and out the door, where she saw Nikki.
“Don't know what you mean.”
“Sure
you do. Don't play cute Calen. I saw you
watching. I know what you saw.”
“Really? And what do you think I saw?”
“You
saw me and Nikki downstairs. I could see
the door cracked out of the corner of my eye.
It was you.”
Calen
turned to face Tanya. “Then why did you
set me up?”
Tanya
started to answer but was interrupted by more people entering the kitchen. Calen walked out, she wasn’t as ready for
this confrontation as she thought, but Tanya was not about to let this go. They
walked outside by the side of the house and Calen sat down on the concrete
bench in the garden. “Why did you set me
up to see that?” she asked again, this time, angrier.
“Simply
to show you what's mine, that’s all. You
love to play little cutesy games with Nikki, well, now you see what kind of
games I can play. I’m tired of you. I knew you had planned on riding with Nikki
night before last, that’s why I tagged along, to keep you away from him.”
Calen
put it together. “And you screwed up his
cell?”
“I
loosened up the battery so he couldn’t get it to work. I knew you would try to call and the last
thing I needed was for you to call all whiny wondering where he was.”
“You
realize how immature that is? You really
want Nikki finding out that not only did you keep his cell off so you couldn’t
get my call, but that you sent me a letter so I could walk in on him getting a
blow job?”
“Well,
how would he feel if he knew you just stood there and watched? Most people would have immediately left, but
not you, Calen. You stood there,
watching in the dark, I could see you in the mirror, watching me blow him. You watched his face as I gave him what he
loves…something you can’t give him.”
Calen
felt her face go flush with embarrassment and anger, she turned away from
Tanya. “You really have no idea about me
or what I get pleasure from.”
“I
know you better than you think, and I do know one thing…you're jealous.” Tanya
said, with her hands on her hips.
“What? You're foolin’ yourself.” Calen responded.
“That’s
right. I’ve seen it all before. You're jealous I have Nikki and you
don't. He doesn’t want you, and it’s
killing you, eating you up inside. When
you saw us together, it drove you crazy.
You can’t stand his hands all over me, his lips on mine. You loathe the thought of him inside me. Admit it.” She smiled smugly.
Calen’s
anger consumed her to the point where being polite made no sense anymore. “Ok,
so you really wanna know the truth? Here
it is. YES! I want Nikki!” she said, standing up to face
Tanya. “I have wanted him ever since I
was 12 years old. I care for him deeper
than any other man I’ve known, and I take him very, very personal. I don't take lightly to whores like you
coming in and using him for his name and pretending to care one fuck about him
at all. You’re a phony fruitcake and if
it takes me forever, I will make sure that he never sees you again. I will go through anything or anyone,
including you to get him someday,
even if it takes the rest of my life.
So, take my advice you sick ass cunt, go to hell!” Calen growled in one
breath without thinking. Tanya stood frozen,
completely taken off guard by Calen’s expressions and sheer anger. “And as for what I saw…it sickened me,
yes. Jealous? Hell no, to say I was jealous, would mean I
was jealous of you, and that’s not true.
I have way more going on in my life to envy you for anything. I also have something with Nikki you will
never have, and that’s his friendship and respect. He will never, NEVER mean to you what he
means to me and he will never feel for you what he feels for me. I’m ashamed that I saw what I did, and I’ll
live with that. But hear this bitch, I
did stare at him, at his face and one day, he’ll find twice that pleasure with
me, not with you!”
Tanya
backed off, yet remained silent. She
knew she had gotten over her head, and had absolutely no idea how to dig her
way out. She got her reprieve when Sheri
walked up to them.
“So,
having fun so far?” she asked sarcastically.
Tanya slumped down on the bench.
“Did
anyone hear us?” Calen asked, her face less flush and her voice calmer.
“No,
don't worry, I only heard part of it.
But, I think its best we go.”
“Fine
by me. I just need to go say goodbye my
Nikki first.” Calen said, gathering herself.
Sheri
took her by the arm, but before Calen walked away, she leaned down to Tanya.
“He will never, ever love you. Live with that.” Tanya opened her mouth to
snap back, but thought against it when she saw Sheri raise an eyebrow at her.
Calen
walked back into the house and found Nikki.
She hugged him tightly. “See ya
later.” She whispered to him. He smiled
at her and saw something in her eyes he’d never seen before.
“You
ok?” he asked her as he held her.
“Yeah,
why?”
“No
reason, you just look a bit…preoccupied. Be safe going home, I’ll call ya
tomorrow.”
The
entire drive home, Calen’s heart sank and she sobbed silently to herself,
admonishing herself for losing her cool.
Although she felt good for telling Tanya off, reality set in when she
realized she had just told someone she couldn’t stand her deepest darkest
secret. She immediately regretted ever
opening her mouth, because she knew in her heart that Tanya would tell Nikki
everything. He would know how she felt
and the thought of that scared the hell out of her. When she got home, and away from everyone and
everything, she cried herself to sleep.
*********************************
All
the next day, she kept the phone off the hook and chose not to speak to
anyone. She had to take time to deal
with what happened and how it would affect Nikki and their relationship. She spent the day at her keyboard, typing in
her journal….
I
really fucked up this time by letting my mouth get the best of me. I let the bitch win in more ways than
one. When Nikki finds out what I’ve
said, it will all change. I know he
cares for me, so how will he be able to muster up the courage to tell me that
an intimate relationship between the two of us is impossible? I hate the thought of him rejecting me, but
it’s better than him being with me just because he thinks he has to. This is so painful and I just can’t seem face
him, at least not right now……
When
she put up her laptop, her doorbell rang.
Reluctantly, she checked her monitor and saw it was Nikki. She didn’t have the courage to deal with him,
so she chose not to answer it, but Nikki was relentless and knew she was there.
“Open
the door Cally, I know you’re home.
Sheri called me to check on you cause you weren’t answering the
phone. C’mon baby, open the door.”
Calen
ignored his plea.
“I’m
not leaving till you open, so you can call the cops if you like, but I’m not
going anywhere till I see you.”
Calen
punched the button on the intercom and said quickly, “I’m not in the mood. I just want to be left alone Nikki. I’ll call you later.”
“It’s
not gonna work,” he said, looking right into the monitor camera. “you can’t put me off.”
She
shook her head, trying not to cry.
“Please Nikki, you don't understand what's going on, I…just want to have
some time to myself.”
“I
know what happened last night between you and Tanya. Please, let me in, we need to talk.”
Calen
started crying and she slumped out of view of the monitor to the floor. “Please, just go…” she whispered.
“I
can’t do that. I’m worried about you, please don’t turn me away.”
She
remained on the floor, but reached up and pushed the unlock button and listened
for him to open the door. Nikki flew
downstairs and fell to his knees in front of her. She turned away from him and he took her
hands to help her stand up.
Nikki
watched her walk to the couch and throw her head in her hands. The site of Calen so upset tore him up
inside. He sat down on the couch next to
her. “I’m really sorry. How are you feeling?”
“Stupid
question, I feel like an idiot.” She responded sharply. “So, Tanya told you of our conversation?”
“No,
actually I overheard it.”
“What? You were eavesdropping?”
“I was
looking for you after we came back upstairs, and well…I tracked you and Tanya
outside. I shouldn’t have listened in,
but I knew it wouldn’t be pleasant giving the fact that you don't care for her. I’m sorry that I didn't interrupt before it
got outta hand.”
“Oh
God…” Calen sighed.
He
just sat still on the couch, and tried slowly pulling her close, but she
resisted. Ashamed of her tears and how
she had acted, she couldn’t face him.
“Baby,
look at me.” He urged, touching her hand.
“There's no reason to be upset.”
She
continued to look in the other direction, having absolutely no nerve to look at
Nikki’s face. “Maybe to you, but to me,
I have plenty of reasons to be upset.
You don't seem to get it, I saw the two of you together, and I know that
you know.”
Nikki
sighed. “I do know. Tanya had a great time telling me about what
happened.”
“Did
she tell you about the note luring me down there?”
“No,
but Sheri did. I’m sure as hell not happy about it.”
Calen
turned around to face him, her cheeks tear stained. “I’m just sorry the whole thing happened to
begin with. Sorry that I saw what I did,
sorry for letting if affect me, sorry that Tanya found out what she did….”
Nikki
folded Calen up in his arms, holding her as close as he could. He tried with all he had to keep the anger
down that had been building since earlier in the day. “Was it true what you said to Tanya? That you would go through anything or anybody to have me?” he asked cautiously.
“What
does it matter?” she replied, her head resting on his chest, her fingers
tracing the lines of his tattoos.
“It
matters to me. I need to know.”
She
raised her head and gazed into his eyes.
“Yes,
it’s true. I swore I would never let you
find out, but my big mouth…”
Nikki
sat speechless for a moment, hoping to say the right words. “Why didn't you tell me before?” he asked.
“Lots
of reasons. You know I was always a fan,
but we got to be friends, then we became closer after your divorce and after
all the problems I had with Jeff. We
both saw other people as well. We’re
close, very close, so how was I supposed to just tell you something so intimate
and face your rejection?”
“By
just coming out and telling me, that’s all.” He signed. As if that was so easy for her to do. “I would have listened, and it would have
made things so damn easy for me.”
“How
so?”
“Cause
I could have at least…” he stopped in mid sentence, his words failed him. Calen looked up at his face, which had
seemingly gone blank of all thought and feeling.
“What
is it? You could have what?” she asked
quietly.
Nikki
let out a deep sigh as his head flopped backwards against the back of the
couch. “I guess I would have just said…I
don't know, hell, I would have just said that the feeling is mutual.” He said
flatly.
“What?”
she asked again, not believing it. “I..I
didn't know.”
“No
one does. I keep that part of you very
private. Its no one’s fucking business
but mine anyway.”
“Then
what is this thing going with Tanya? I
thought you really liked her.”
“I do,
well, did, until this. She fucked up
messing with you. Don't get me wrong, in
the beginning, we had fun, but, like several others, she got jealous of my
relationship with you.”
“Others?”
“Yeah,
I guess most of them were smart enough to see what I couldn’t. That the only woman I want to be with is
you.” He replied, raising his head and looking down at her.”
Calen
simply smiled, she could do nothing else in light of what she’d just
heard. She was thrilled, yet scared at
the same time. It had been a long time
since she had been in a deep relationship with a man. Actually not since the Jeff incident did she
feel so intimate towards another man.
But Nikki was different. This is
what she wanted, this is what she had wanted for a long time, and now it was
being handed to her, and she was more than grateful to take it. She opened her
mouth to speak, to finally say what was on her mind, but nothing came.
“Shhhhhhh…”
Nikki whispered, his finger gently brushed over her mouth, as he pulled her
closer to his lips, yet they only just brushed softly. They just felt their breath on each others
cheeks. Calen reached her hand around
the back of his neck, allowing her fingers to entangle in his hair, while his
hand ran down her back, pulling her tighter to his body. Their breath left them
momentarily as their bodies fell into one another and their lips pressed
tightly. With tongues mingling gently
together, they lost themselves in their own world, while their passion built
steadily. Their lips finally parted, but
only for a moment to allow his lips to taste the soft skin of Calen’s neck
while his free hand pushed her head back against the couch. Her back arched against the warmth of his
breath on her and all she could hear was her own mouth slip out a quiet
gasp.
BUZZZZZZZZZZZ…went the buzzer on her front door. They ignored it, but whoever it was didn't
seem to disappear. BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…it
went a second time. They both stopped
and looked at one another, annoyed.
Calen
reluctantly got up. “If its Sheri, I’ll
kill her.” She joked. “Whoever it is,
I’ll get rid of ‘em.” She assured him as she checked her door monitor. Nikki saw her face grow pale.
“Who
is it?” he asked.
“It’s
Tanya.”
Nikki
stood up. “I’ll take this.”
“No,
she is here to see me, I’ll go.”
Nikki
held out his hand to stop her. “No
Cally, she’s my problem to deal with, I’ll take care of it.” He said before
heading up the stairs toward the front door.
Calen watched the monitor like a hawk as Nikki opened the door and
stepped out on the front stoop, closing the door behind him.
Tanya
was surprised, but not totally shocked to see Nikki. “What are you doing here?”
“That’s
not important. The question is… what the
hell are you doing here? Come to take a few more jabs at Calen?”
Tanya
couldn’t speak, nor deny the allegation, but she didn't want Nikki to be the
wiser. “Of course not. I just wanted to apologize for what happened
yesterday.”
“That’s
bullshit and you know it. I don't feel
like dealing with you just now, but I will soon. So, why don't you just turn around, get in
your car, and get the hell outta here.”
“You
can’t talk to me like that!” she protested loudly. Why do you want me outta here so fast?” the
lightbulb went off in her head. “Is that
what it is? You're gonna fuck her aren’t
ya? You're gonna fuck your little
friend. What, is she down there right
now, naked, with her legs spread, hollering NIKKI…PLEASE FUCK ME!!??? I know
that’s what it is. Well…by all means, don't let ME stop you!” she taunted
sarcastically throwing her arms in the air.
Nikki
lost his cool, but kept his voice down so Calen wouldn’t hear. “You little cunt. What I do with my life is
no ones business but mine. You are the last person who should be telling me
what to do. No one does that. I suggest again, you take your bitch ass
outta here before I get arrested for beating the living piss out of you!”
Tanya
was dazed and backed away. “This isn’t
over.” She said, getting back into her car.
Nikki
ignored her, shutting the door hard and locking it. He leaned back against it for a moment to
compose himself before going back downstairs to rejoin Calen. When he got back downstairs, he saw her
standing at the monitor.
“So,
should I go get naked and open my legs now?” she joked and Nikki chuckled.
“I
think I can handle that.” He said, pushing her up against the wall and pinning
her with his body, his lips pressing hard down on hers while their hands
instinctively took up the job of exploration.
They were pressed so tight against one another that they could barely
breathe, yet they refused to be anywhere else.
With Nikki’s free hand, he reached over to the door monitor, shutting it
off so they would no longer be disturbed.
“I’ve
been waiting for this for a long time.” He whispered under his breath. Calen smiled and pushed Nikki away.
Teasingly,
she started walking away. “Maybe I
should make you wait a little more then, huh?” she giggled. Nikki started following. “Don't walk away from me.” He demanded,
almost in a growl.
“Nope,
you have to catch me.” She toyed, walking slowly towards the bedroom door.
They
both laughed as she opened the door and ran inside, trying to shut the door
behind her, but he was too quick, catching it and throwing it back open. Grabbing her around the waist, they both fell
back on her bed, laughing out loud before their lips sealed on one another
again. Nikki gently rolled himself on
top of her, pinning her down and guaranteeing she wouldn’t get away from him
again, but Calen was through with running.
She wrapped her legs around his waist tightly and rolled him over on his
back so she was straddling him completely.
She sat up and looked down at Nikki’s face and she could see his
feelings for her in his soft eyes. My
God, he’s perfect… she thought to herself as she reached down to lift her
shirt, but he stopped her. Raising up,
he ran his hand under her shirt, lifting it slowly over her head and pinning
her hands over her head. He started
kissing her neck once more but this time allowed his tongue to trail a line slowly
from her chin to her breast bone where he was stopped by her bra. Nikki wasn't having any obstacles in his
way. He turned her around and laid her
down on her back, again pinning her with his body. He kept his lips on her neck, tasting her and
teasing her with his tongue, while his hand found the clasp of her bra and
unfastened it. He cupped his hands under
her bra, feeling the soft, smooth skin of her bare breasts followed by the
sharpness her hardened nipples. Letting
the bra fall to the side, his tongue found those nipples and taking them gently
into his mouth, sucked them like sweet candy.
She could hardly contain herself.
She had dreamed hundreds of times of a moment like this and still what
she was experiencing was a thousand times better than her most intimate
dreams. Nikki ran his hand down her
stomach, reaching and unbuttoning her blue jean shorts. Getting up on his elbows, he gently nibbled
on the skin of her stomach, working his way down to slide her shorts off…..
***********************************
She
woke up to the sound of the blaring TV on the music channel. Her brain, still fuzzy, tried to focus on
what was going on. She sat up, and
looked down at her laptop, which was on standby, but still open to her
diary. She read the end of it out loud
in her dry, morning voice…
My orgasmic ecstasy now fulfilled, my
heart and soul knows he will soon be coming back to me. Soon…I know I will see
my Nikki again.
It hit
her like a bolt of lightning, and turned over on the couch to check her clock,
it showed 10:45, Saturday morning.
SATURDAY? She exclaimed, turning off the TV. Looking down at herself, she was still
wearing her leather skirt and lace top she’d worn to the show the night
before. Her heart was disappointed. It had all been a dream, A DREAM…everything…the party, her and Nikki,
it never happened. She sat full up and
noticed another small entry in her diary that she didn't recognize right away. She pulled the laptop onto her lap and read
it, trying hard to get her brain to function…
His
body was pressed against mine as we laid together on my bed. His hands, searching every inch of my hungry
body, were strong as they were gentle.
His breath was hot against my cool skin, and his mouth spoke the words I
have wanted to hear for a long time…I love you Cally…let me make love to you.
We
fit together like a glove, and when he’s with me, I feel complete. I love him so much that I…
The
entry stopped. Calen scratched her head,
wondering what happened. She deducted
she probably passed out from being up so late.
It never failed, she always dreamed about him when she saw a show that
night. She smiled as she remembered
every bit of her dream, just as if it had really happened.
I
can’t believe it was all a dream. She continued to type. How real it
seemed… and how disappointing to know that we are still ‘just’ friends. Reality is more painful; the reality that he
is still with Tanya and the reality that he still doesn’t know my true
feelings. Probably best though, my mind
is sparing me from the heartache that would surely come if he ever found out
the truth about my feelings. I simply go
on, living my life, and wondering what could have been……
Closing
her laptop and smiling, she allowed a small tear of disappointment to run down
her cheek. She knew she would be seeing
Nikki that night for their scheduled ride.
Perhaps, perhaps then, it could play out the way she wanted. Maybe the reality COULD be better than the
fantasy….
End of Part One
Click here for Part Two